About psychotherapy and how I work

Here is a broad description of the kinds of ways I help people, and how the psychotherapy processes and methods I use work generally. Everyone responds uniquely because everyone is unique. We have all had different life experiences, and we are different in each interaction. For these reasons I tailor the ways I work with people according to their individual, moment-to-moment responses, using a variety of approaches. The change process is both multifaceted and non-linear. Psychotherapy is a highly creative process.

Psychotherapy is about healing of the psyche, and it promotes this in a diversity of ways. Some aspects of us are conscious, but many are unconscious, so we work with both what we are consciously aware of and what we are unaware of within ourselves. All of your life experiences, all your relationships, all your social conditionings, all the mistreatment, neglect, kindness and nurturing you receive from others, all these both consciously yet largely unconsciously shape your self-image, emotional patterns, belief structures, behaviour, relationships, physical body, energy, posture and life generally.

To me psychotherapy is in many ways about our relationships: with ourselves; with the people in our lives; with our emotions and beliefs; with our bodies; with social structures and society at large; with our work; with money; with change; with time; with pain; with illness; with ageing; with death; with loss; with expectation and disappointment; with injustice; with choice; with the unknown; with nature; perhaps with that which is greater than ourselves… What is hopeful is that our relationship with anything is malleable. And as we form a different relationship with these aspects of our lives, we can discover a different experience.

So we explore everything: belief structures; emotions; bodily sensations and patterns; self-image; values; behavioural patterns, your ways of relating to yourself and others; your ways of relating to societal structures; existential fears; spirituality. All of these are important and also interconnected, so when changes are made in one area, that can flow through to other areas of your life. You can bring any challenges you are experiencing, and we can see whether therapy can help.

Bearing with our struggles on our own tends to keep us stuck. As human beings we need to feel seen, heard, met, felt, witnessed, understood, known, mirrored by another. We need to feel accepted as we are, respected, a relationship where we can be and discover ourselves. We need to feel deeply cared about, valued, that we really matter. We need to feel another person’s compassion and kindness. We need gentleness. We need a safe, non-judgemental space to share our vulnerabilities and pain, without having to worry about or manage the other person’s responses. We need to have someone be deeply interested in us and our experience. To have our experience validated. To feel someone is there for us, that we’re not alone in our struggles. We need to have our good qualities and strengths reflected to us and nurtured. And more. Different people have experienced these things to greater or lesser degrees. For many, not very much or enough. We need to experience these kinds of things enough, to feel they are possible for us. No therapist, no one can offer anyone all of these things completely or perfectly. But we need to experience them enough, to start to be able to offer them to ourselves. It can take time before we can take them in. It also usually takes time to feel comfortable with a therapist.

The process of psychotherapy is an unfolding, a dynamic, yet gradual process, and one of discovery. It’s a self-reflective process. A process of noticing, with curiosity. It is a process of learning about yourself, others, and your life. Sometimes we mostly talk. Sometimes you will engage in inner dialogues, slowing down, quietening your thoughts, sensing and listening inwardly, accessing deeper unconscious aspects of yourself. I accompany and guide you into your experience. Bodily responses and emotions often emerge, and hold important information. So we tune in to it. Our body and emotions also contain resources which you can develop. Often before we can introspect, we need to build regulation of the nervous system, skills and resources first. Often we do these together.

Your emotional resilience and capacity to be with your experience grows over time, when you feel accompanied and supported alongside it. We have already developed resilience through the difficulties we have faced in life. As we heal the pain from those experiences, we might realise we have more resilience than we would have had, had we not experienced them. As you gradually learn how to tune in and listen to your feelings, you discover that they contain important and valuable information for your life. You can then use your feelings to empower yourself, and move forward in your life. Often places in us resist change, and we need to be respectful of those, get to know them, and gain their trust.

You can learn how to be kinder and gentler with yourself. You can learn how to relate to yourself with more curiosity rather than judgement. When we start to connect with our experience, and what we were not consciously aware of, we gain insight. You see and experience things in new ways, gain perspective, and start to feel less alone in your challenges. We are all different yet also similar in many ways. You can gain access to more and more of yourself, and your human capacities. You can increasingly develop these profoundly beneficial skills through this work, while also building on your existing strengths. Importantly, psychotherapy is optimistic. It operates on the understanding that there’s something within you that’s always moving towards healing and growth. We can uncover and work with obstacles to this. There’s always a way forward. For all these reasons, to me psychotherapy means freedom unfolding.

My approach is not so much about me analysing you or telling you about yourself, but more you and I together working to attune to what’s going on in you. We start with what we already know and then sense into the more that is there. I facilitate and guide the process, rather than direct it. The intricacy and wisdom of your whole mind body energy system can show us the intricacy and mystery of what needs to unfold. People can experience the change and healing coming from inside themselves, through our relationship, and even through the space around us.

Since all methods have limitations, I combine a variety of different kinds of therapies. The main therapies I use are:

Focusing: Focusing is a somatic (bodily) psychotherapy that facilitates the innate inner healing processes of the psyche. It is a powerful way of learning how to be in relationship with the contents of your mind, your experience, and your responses to situations, including thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, memories, etc. It combines talking with connecting with your inner experience. By learning to be with your experience and listen to the messages that arise from your body-mind, you can connect with your inner knowing, inner guidance, and gain agency and self-trust. With time, your internal navigation system develops towards greater flow, growth and your whole perspective widens. When your own insights emerge, and from a deep place inside, not only does this nourish you, there are also positive shifts in your experience. Enjoyable emotional states can often arise. Focusing originated through research into people who benefited most from psychotherapy, and is based on what promoted change and growth. It emphasises safety, validation and personal autonomy. It has greatly influenced many other psychotherapy methods.

The Realization Process: The Realization Process is a process of gradually becoming increasingly embodied, and becoming more yourself. You can discover your body to be a resource. And if you wish, over time you can experience yourself as interconnected with everything, and discover this experience of oneness or unity as a source of healing. It helps people to realise their full natural human capacities, such as their love, power, intelligence, voice, emotional breadth and more. It also helps release tension patterns in the body and helps people find more stillness, spaciousness and vitality. People gradually become increasingly grounded, embodied, resilient, and uncover a deeper, richer experience of all aspects of themselves and their lives. It is not a belief system, it’s simply uncovering a natural human experience, and discovering your authentic self. People who are not spiritual seekers can still benefit enormously from grounding, embodiment and exploring tension patterns in the body.

Narrative therapy: Working with our narratives is so important, because we continually create narratives around all of our life experiences. You can learn how to become consciously aware of the stories you create, how they shape your life and maintain problems. You can examine the scripts you have learned, and contemplate and construct alternative, more helpful, more chosen stories about yourself and your life experiences.

Parts work: You may have noticed sometimes that there seem to be different aspects or ‘parts’ of yourself. In one situation you may find that one aspect of you comes out, and in another situation a different aspect of you emerges. Or you may notice that one part of you wants to do one thing, another part of you wants to do something else. Parts work helps us to get to know these different aspects of ourselves, learning what they want for us in our lives, discover disowned parts of ourselves, and to resolve inner conflicts. Whether we actually literally have ‘parts’, or if so what they are, is an interesting philosophical question. But they can be a useful construct. One type of Parts work that is currently popular is called Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. I prefer a non-directive approach to working with ‘parts’, when they emerge organically, utilising a person’s own innate inner healing processes.

Body psychotherapy: Body or somatic psychotherapy recognises that your life experiences impact and are stored within your entire mind, including your physical body and energy system. Our mind, body and energy system are inseparable, and they reflect one another. And so we work holistically with the body and energy system, as well as with thoughts, emotions and beliefs. Working with the body can involve various exercises and working with blocked muscular patterns, releasing tension stored in the bodyʼs fascia, and blocked energy and emotions, promoting energy flow. This process builds increasingly greater vitality.

Existential therapy: We all have underlying existential anxieties that emerge from inescapable realities of life: fear of death, illness, isolation, uncertainty, change, loss, pain, freedom and choice, ecological destruction, human cruelty, troubling world events, and more. While we understandably tend to distract ourselves, existential therapy helps us learn to examine and make peace with these things, if we wish to do so. The more we can examine and make peace with them, the less we fear them, and the more fulfilment we can find in our lives.

Breathing training: Breathing is so important, because how we breathe affects our emotional, mental and physical state (and vice versa). The Buteyko method helps to reset and regulate how you breathe. It is based on the body of scientific research on breathing, and works primarily to normalise the biochemistry of breathing, which is important for the oxygenation of your cells, blood flow, and muscle relaxation. It also helps to regulate the nervous system and stimulates the vagus nerve, which regulates many bodily functions and induces relaxation. In addition to Buteyko, I work with the biomechanics of the breathing muscles, such as the diaphragm, and also with tension patterns in the body and emotional responses that constrict breath flow. I also work with breathing indirectly, if working with breathing directly is difficult.

Psychotherapy is a gradual process of growing in awareness, learning and unlearning. If we want deep change, it takes time. However, in the first several sessions, most people start to notice benefits, or have a sense of whether it is helpful or likely to be. Some people experience benefits more easily or slowly than others, for very good reasons. A big part of therapy is helping you make contact with your own internal processes and inner wisdom over time. It can help to know that reconnecting to ourselves is a natural process. And that you can feel it.

 

Changes are progressive, and usually gradual. Therapy can feel uncomfortable, but if we can allow a degree of discomfort, change can occur, and we can feel better. We try to prevent feeling too much discomfort, favouring a gentle, safe, resourced approach. We don’t force or impose change. We invite change to emerge, from within the system and within the relationship between us. Often it begins with uncomfortable feelings that are wanting and needing our attention and care. They contain important messages for us. Once we can start to make contact with the feelings, they can start to shift, and start to transform. Often enjoyable feelings can emerge too. We work with, and respect your system, with what it can allow and integrate inside, as we grow your capacity to hold and be with your feelings. That’s the most efficient way to sustainable change.

You will know when progress is being made. Some signs of progress can be: you gain more contact with yourself; you start to become aware of and regulate your emotions more easily; you gain in self-acceptance and self-trust; your relationships improve; you feel freer and more vitality in your body; your sleep improves; you gain wider perspectives on things; your thinking becomes more flexible; you have a broader experience of yourself, discovering capacities in yourself you were unaware of; your comfort zones broaden; and you feel greater choice in what you do, and how you respond to situations.

For various ethical reasons I don’t publish client testimonials on my website.